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Nov. 10th, 2003 09:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
confuseacatGod I miss her. My emotions seem to be going in waves.
I wish she still cared about me, even just a little. *sigh* but that would probably make things harder, wouldn't it...
I came to another realization today. Our relationship was fundamentally unbalanced in another way. I was thinking of something I said in my last post: "...nice, nice, people I'll never again see, places I'll never again go..." I can list so many things attached to Jess that I'll miss, but when I try and think about what she's losing, I'm at a loss. Yeah, she did stay over at my house a few times, but what did we do there? Watch movies, relationship-type things... can't think of much else. What did I do while with her family? Kayak, be around hang gliding, spend a week in canada, go to her family christmas, go to nikki's birthday, we made a snow man and had other assorted fun in the snow, learned cribbage, met lots of her friends from home not to mention practically all of her family (her grandmother even knit me a scarf). I can go on and on and on. I don't think I offered nearly enough back to her. I've pretty much lost sight as to why she stayed with me for 2 years.
EDIT (a ps): Now you factor in all the tension I was giving her due to frustrations I was having with our relationship, and it's no real mystery why she's taking the breakup much better then I: Relief from not needing to deal with me anymore, and not having nearly as large a tie to me as I had to her.
I wish she still cared about me, even just a little. *sigh* but that would probably make things harder, wouldn't it...
I came to another realization today. Our relationship was fundamentally unbalanced in another way. I was thinking of something I said in my last post: "...nice, nice, people I'll never again see, places I'll never again go..." I can list so many things attached to Jess that I'll miss, but when I try and think about what she's losing, I'm at a loss. Yeah, she did stay over at my house a few times, but what did we do there? Watch movies, relationship-type things... can't think of much else. What did I do while with her family? Kayak, be around hang gliding, spend a week in canada, go to her family christmas, go to nikki's birthday, we made a snow man and had other assorted fun in the snow, learned cribbage, met lots of her friends from home not to mention practically all of her family (her grandmother even knit me a scarf). I can go on and on and on. I don't think I offered nearly enough back to her. I've pretty much lost sight as to why she stayed with me for 2 years.
EDIT (a ps): Now you factor in all the tension I was giving her due to frustrations I was having with our relationship, and it's no real mystery why she's taking the breakup much better then I: Relief from not needing to deal with me anymore, and not having nearly as large a tie to me as I had to her.
